yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
