definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
