Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
