3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
