I puked a lego.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
