I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sponge bath it is.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
