So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
