i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
3pm strippers are depressing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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