Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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