My sheets look like a crime scene.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
