I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just forgot I was standing up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
