I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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