After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
