dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
