In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
