there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
