i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
