To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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