I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
