the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
