Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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