how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
