my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
