do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
