why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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