so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
