I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
