then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
