This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
