I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
