Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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