Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
