I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
