and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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