Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
