she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
