he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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