I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
