I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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