im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
