I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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