I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
