I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
