You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
