one two three fourrrrnication!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
