Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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