don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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