please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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