i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
