Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
