Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
