Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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