every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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