Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
