just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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