You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
