when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
